Remembering to Dream

you know what’s the weirdest thing? if i don’t remind myself to dream, i forget to do it. i get caught up in imagining scenarios sometimes, not in a stressful way, but not a dream way either, more a “if i do this, that person might do this…”

i think if we don’t dream big dreams (those wild crazy goals that make us nervous and excited all at once), we will live mediocre lives.

gosh even if our dreams are simple phrases like “love the people around me better each day” or “throw myself into writing a book”, i think those verbalizations have so much power.

i forget to dream, but recently i read a poetry book which is straight up just questions the whole time. this is the question which startled me into thinking these things:

Is it true our desires

must be watered with dew?

i have no idea what this actually means, but here’s the picture i see: i see waking up in the morning and wandering outside, even on cloudy days or rainy days, and sitting with the waking sounds of the place i live, and taking a few minutes to think of dreams i’ve had and dreams i want to make. thinking about these things, not in a “i need to get stuff done” way, but rather, a sweet way, a daily rebirth of the desires of a soul in this weird life.

dreaming is delightful.

i think life is a lot more full when we let ourselves enjoy dreaming.

Experience Hoarding

I swear I heard the phrase “experiential materialism” somewhere, but as much as I googled, I couldn’t find a source. I’ve become newly obsessed with the concept though, and I think it’s better described by the phrase “experience hoarding”. Here’s the basis:

Our generation is consuming experiences rather than possessions. We tend to value travel and material minimalism over physical products. We spend lavishly on adventure.

While initially, that description of our generation resonated with me (and reminded me of myself), there’s an attitude of hoarding in the way we pursue experience. We collect stories around experiences for the sake of holding them close to us and showing them off. We go on adventures, but we focus on getting a good instagram photo to mark the moment. (Interesting fact: general satisfaction with an experience shoots up when all pictures taken are purely for personal nostalgia vs. taking pictures because we aim to post one on Instagram.) Our social media streams fill with tokens of our escapades and our conversations are thick with references to travel.

As I step back this summer and try to reexamine my life from the perspective of one who is about to be thrust into a different culture, I’ve realized the frantic collection I engage in: collecting stories and dreams and been-theres to show other people and build around myself as an identity.

I don’t want the Cecilia of China to gather stories in a frenzy. I want to live out of the overflow in my soul, whatever that may be, and let my actions stem from that.

Simply: I want to step back from experience hoarding and into some sort of absolute purpose. I guess first purpose is finding that purpose lol. But truly, as I contemplate my purpose, there are underlying soul states that I desire to move towards: a more selfless sort of love for the people around me, a sensitivity to the natural world and a meditative awareness of it, and a motivation for adventure springing from a desire for fun rather than for a meticulous construction of my persona for other people. Maybe it all comes down to trying to rid myself from ulterior motives and focus on simple motives of my heart: doing things without a complex web of reasons. That’s impossible haha.

Idk if that made any sense at all lol. ALSO working takes a while to get used to! I’m working eight hours days and commuting two hours total, which still leaves like six and a half hours to do other things, but dang those fly by.

Hope your summer is going well!

xoxo Cecilia