thailand || themes while visiting my compassion child

Preface: I visited my friend Bam in Khon Kaen. Bam and I write letters through Compassion International (I met her previously on a trip with my mom). I spent several hours with Piano, who translated the visit with Bam. Piano showed me around Khon Kaen after the visit…she’s legit so amazing.

I. GOD.

I’m in a place spiritually where I shy away from stats and absolutes. I know that probably needs to change at some point, regardless of what I believe (somewhere, sometimes absolutes apply, right?), but on this trip, I didn’t really care about the whole “one percent of Thais are Christians, 23.456% are blah blah blah.” In that respect, I lucked out because so much of the last few days centered around who God is, not numbers and organization.

The Compassion Staff loves well. They know the children and families around the church, they take in the blind and lepers (Bam’s village used to have a huge leper colony), and they smile. Smile a lot. In God’s name. Which was cool to see. 

I prayed a few days ago that God would surround me with people who remind me who He is. I know I’m in a weak place spiritually right now, and in my weakness, I lean on the strength of others. God provided that so generously in Piano. Piano cared for me above and beyond any expectations on her. She pointed me again and again toward God in a way I could hear and absorb in this phase of life (that is, actions first, and later words, but not words up front). She loves the outcasts (homeless, prostitutes, etc.) She never met Bam, but treated her with such kindness. She hosts people in her home all the time, even groups of Youth With A Mission kids for months at a time (including: my old friend Gab, who stayed with Piano this winter, what a coincidence!).

II. FAMILY.

Families prize honor and respect highly in Thailand, from what I gather (I’m still super ignorant on this all, don’t take my word for anything haha). I love the way Bam’s family lives together (her grandma’s house is like twenty meters away from Bam’s, etc.). Family gathers constantly to care for one another. I realize, in the midst of all this, how poorly I do at respecting my family and elders as they deserve. Piano explained, on the other side of this, the challenges of the honor culture. Some of her friends are prostitutes because the expectation for children to honor and provide for their parents outweighs the shame of prostitution.

Thailand startled me both times I came. I’ve been in four countries in the past ten days, and even so Thailand shook me. I feel lost in the hectic streets and bubbly language and crazy food. When I arrived in Khon Kaen yesterday, I had a few panic-y moments as I walked the streets. I thought This is Asia, and I don’t know how to get food or weave between cars or anything, and I’m going to China and it’s probably going to be like this and I don’t understannnnddd. You know, the old woe-is-me sort of thing, mixed with delight at the differentness of it all. But here’s the thing…

Family remains the same. There are different facets (like filial piety), but good parts and bad parts of families exist regardless of culture. Sitting with Bam’s family calmed me down in the midst of freaking out about being in Asia. They remind me of my family. Bam’s mom shows off videos of Bam’s dance performances. Her grandma hangs out with her grandkids all the time. Bam teases her nephew. There’s something profound about the unity of love in family and humanity. I’m not prolific enough to explain or elaborate, but I feel the similarity deeply, especially when thrust into the sharp contrast between cultures.

III. FLOWERS.

Lol y’all know I love flowers so much.

Bam’s mom cultivates fruit trees in all the little nooks around their property. She spends a ton of time fertilizing and caring for them. We ate watermelon and bananas from their yard (and also a chicken her mom killed, but that’s technically not a flower at any point, so irrelevant). I’m reading Walden right now. It’s pretty slow ngl (I am not yet a cultured person who can enjoy old books), but I found the way Bam’s mom cared for these trees very similar to the way Thoreau promoted doing the essential things for oneself. Bam’s mom does it so well, the growing and cooking and stuff, and she does it from scratch.

We passed these beautiful pink crawlers while we drove around the village. Piano asked if we could return. She’s cleaning out a tiny patch of weeds between townhomes on her street, and she wanted to transplant in this new community garden. Bam grabbed a trowel from the Compassion Center and the three of us set off to dig up some roots. I ended up being useless, but gosh I loved seeing Piano and Bam dig their fingers into the roots and pull the plants up for transplanting in the city.

We passed some people harvesting lotuses, and (because I was fascinated) pulled over to watch. Bam’s grandma waded to the edge of the lake, where these guys moved plants around while they stood up to their necks in water. She returned with two lotus buds. The buds alone were the size of my hand.

Piano grabbed a giant leaf and showed us how water adhered to the leaf. It behaved like slime, definitely one of the weirdest things I’ve seen (Bam’s nephew thought it was just about the greatest thing ever).

Bam showed me how to fold over the lotus bud petals one by one to look like a full-grown flower, sort of a rose in shape.

IV. TRANSPORTATION.

The only reason I have this category is that I want to let you know that I rode on the back of a motorbike and it was so stinkin awesome. Bam drove me around for a little bit, and later Piano took me all over Khon Kaen on the back of her bike. I loved it all. Please don’t tell my father I rode on an almost-motorcycle and thus broke one of his three rules of life, and especially don’t tell him that I loved it. 😉

V. GROWTH.

Here are some changes. Bam, in the past three years, transitioned from singing competitions to dancing competitions. She showed me Thai dance, and her teacher made Bam and a few other students perform when we visited the school. Then, the teacher made me get up on stage and dance with them. Which ended up being fun (surprisingly, I hate stuff like that normally).

Bam became a lot more outgoing with me during this visit compared to last time, and dang she’s cool.

Bam’s nephew, Boat, can now walk and goes to kindergarten. I’m already dreading how fast kids go through those first stages. Like three years ago he couldn’t walk and now he’s already in school?? I’m just gonna die when I’m a mom and my kids grow that fast.

Last time I visited, I was six days out of high school. It was my first journey to Asia, my first Eastern culture, my first non-tour trip to another country. I’ve traveled more now, gradually, with friends, with increasing responsibility for planning, always to Europe or the U.S. I have more experience, and still at the same time no experience at all. I think this, as I visit Bam, how I’ve grown and how I still know nothing.

There’s so much hope in the growth yet to come, isn’t there?

I can’t explain these visits. I know I can’t. All these words I’ve spit out, they’re all wrong and stiff and only half of everything. So I guess I’ll end with a few more sentences of nothing. I spent six hours with Bam, and the whole time, I thought, What a beautiful and wonderful thing it is to live in family and meet new people and love God, whoever God is. Ultimately, these are the things I love to think, and they came boldly & in new ways as I spent time in Khon Kaen. I’m grateful for that.

xoxo

Cecilia

Australia

I’m settling into traveling alone. It requires a different rhythm, more introspection and simultaneously more socializing. Traveling with friends provides automatic, easy companionship. That’s all gone when I’m alone.

I expected to be tired by the time I got to Sydney. I was right. Granted, I woke up at 1am Sydney time to fly from New Zealand, but additionally I didn’t feel like exploring.

I wound up at the cafe on the roof of the modern art museum on the Circular Quay with a nice view of the opera house and harbor bridge. You know when you feel all gross and unproductive and guilty about being lazy and stuff all at once? I had one of those moments, but I also had my backpack, so I eventually wound up reading and writing for a while, and finally the flat white (which tasted like normal coffee) woke me up enough to do some walking.

I walked over 25 miles during my two days in Sydney. Loved it all. The walking and thinking.

In my solitude, I’ve noticed how much I depend on my phone. Any time I have a question, I google it immediately. I look up directions, even when I pretty much know how to get somewhere anyway. I constantly check for texts and snapchats despite the fact that’s it’s 3am in America so of course I don’t have any new notifications.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve fallen again into the posting mindset. What I mean is this: whenever I take photos, I take with the idea of, “I can post this to Instagram.” Beginning in 2019, I logged into Instagram only once a month. I chose a random password and scheduled an email that arrived on the last day. I posted a recap of the whole month on that day and caught up on anything I needed to catch up on. I figured this would keep me vaguely in the loop and lift the pressure of thinking about Insta photos.

It worked at first. But for the past month or so, every time I go somewhere, I visualize what sort of picture could look good for Instagram at the end of the month. Juxtaposed with this: I judge people so harshly when I see them taking the classic Instagram photos at touristy sites. There’s this survey somewhere which shows we get a lot more pleasure out of taking photos when we don’t even think about posting them. As soon as the possibility of posting crowds our minds, we lose a lot of satisfaction.

I’m addicted to social media. Straight up. I’ve done a ton of things to lessen my dependence, but I see the effects in my picture-taking habits and in the way I constantly pick up my phone.

Underlying all of this are a lot of problems: a lack of focus, of self-discipline, etc., and I definitely hope to understand and work on those more. In Sydney, I mainly saw again how weak I am towards social media, how quickly I fall away from kindness and connectedness.

I didn’t mean to get into all that here, but anyway, I archived all my photos on Insta and fb and I’m planning on staying off indefinitely. I have messaging apps downloaded for both, so one-on-one connection still exists. I’ve heard it’s important to go cold turkey when quitting an addiction. I’m not doing that. I’m not deleting my accounts. I value the fact the network is there, the ability to contact is there, and I don’t want to throw that away.

So catch me back on Insta, addicted again, in a few months 🙂

Meanwhile, this post totally ditched Australia. Honestly, I think Australia requires residency for true appreciation. Sydney didn’t boast the breathtaking scenery that New Zealand did (I know, so unfair, I had a car and drove in NZ and didn’t in Australia). The city itself reminded me of America. Actually, I appreciate that: Australia seemed like a cool mix of the UK and the USA, perhaps a function of its more recent foundation in the western world. I suspect the most interesting part of Australia lies in its vastness and its rural areas. I wouldn’t mind living out there for a little, just to see.

I stayed at a hostel, so I heard all about this thing called a Working Holiday Visa. Basically, if you’re under 31 you can stay for a year or two and work and everything. Pretty cool, I think NZ and Canada do it too…so ya know, keeping it on the radar.

Super scattered today! I’m on a flight to Kuala Lumpur. We sat on the tarmac in Sydney for over an hour, so this flight now touches down twenty five minutes before my next flight to Bangkok departs. Fingers crossed this airport allows direct transfers without customs or anything! Wish me luck 😉

xoxo,

Cecilia

p.s. I got dinner with Nicole while I was in Sydney and it was so delightful! Nicole travels for almost a month every year to some new country, a lot of it alone. I learned a ton by listening to her travel tales. 🙂

p.p.s. ran into a lot more Americans in Sydney than in New Zealand…maybe just because I stayed in a larger city? Nevertheless, looking forward to Khon Kaen and getting away from Americans for a day or two…it’s been a nice progression towards Asia and I’m ready to immerse for a sec before joining like thirty other Americans at university lol

A Prayer

I gradually realize that I want to be seen by you, to dwell under your caring gaze, and to grow strong and gentle in your sight. Lord, let me see what you see – the love of God and the suffering of people – so that my eyes may become more and more like yours, eyes that can heal wounded hearts.

– The Road to Daybreak by Henri Nouwen

New Zealand

Wins the prize for beauty, New Zealand does. I’ve never been somewhere so beautiful.

I jammed all the pictures at the bottom of this post because none of them even represent 10% of the beauty along the coast, so I just want to talk about it first.

I rented a car from Happy Tours NZ, a Japanese company. Felt like the dude owned a few cars and dropped them off…tad sketchy, but no young driver fees and the car worked great (although all controls were labeled in Japanese). I left Christchurch directly, so avoided city driving. The left side of the road was much more manageable in the countryside, didn’t have any scary moments.

Since a storm hit the day I arrived, I turned away from the mountains and drove up the coast. The water was brilliant blue, sorta like tiffany blue actually (the pictures don’t do it justice). This color popped up in little patches in Hawaii, but dang the entire ocean in NZ just glistened with it, and the beaches were black pebbles and mountains right out of the cliffs next to the water. Legitimately breathtaking.

Do this: mix together the farmland in Scotland (light streaming through the grass and sheep and mules and stuff) with the cliffs and beaches in the Pacific Northwest (water the sort of piercing turquoise) with mountains even more spectacular than Colorado (sharp, so snowy, and right next to the ocean). Felt like fantasy land, everything so close together.

I ended up in Picton for the night, on the very northern coast of the south island. Splurged on a hotel room with a harbor view because it cost only $15 more than a hostel bed (doesn’t make sense at all, which means I probably misread the prices, but whatever it was still cheap). Attended a tiny baptist church the next morning. The congregation welcomed me so warmly, one of those aging congregations. I haven’t enjoyed a church service in a while (and to be fair, the sermon dragged on and I didn’t listen), but worshiping with this community (to some absolute bops like Rend Collective and stuff) gave me a lot of joy. Also the “cuppa” after service, that made me happy. How quaint is that?

I knew I would like New Zealand, that I would probably want to come back. Now it’s high on my list for places to live for a season. So if you want to join me, Austin, and Tim working at some NZ ski slopes in a few summers, hmu 🙂 

xoxo,

Cecilia

Hawai’i

So my good bud Alyssa chose Hawai’i for grad school (a genius move if you ask me). She invited me into her home and spent all her free time showing me Honolulu (this on top of working over twelve hours each day with the UH football team; she’s wonder woman or something, idk how she fit everything in!)

We rushed to The Magic of Polynesia show after Alyssa got off work on Tuesday. Her athlete, a beach volleyball player, danced hula. The show closes this December after a twenty year run, and this dancer’s mom originated the cast two decades ago, so it felt extra nostalgic to see her perform during the closing season.

During the day, I bussed around Oahu. The sun scorches in Hawai’i, so I figured I’d dodge it by hiking more than swimming. Did you know the sun still burns in the mountains? Fun fact. (shhhh don’t tell Jim Lee his daughter got a *slight* sunburn)

I followed Alyssa’s advice, rode to Kailua on the east side, and foraged up one of those scraggly trails which is maybe a trail, maybe a water runoff, who knows? The trail culminated in two bunkers and a 360 view of the mountains and ocean and two little islands.

I sat for a while and watched everyone take those photos where you look plaintively into the distance and throw your arms wide, you know the type of photo (hello I found a new instagram account called @insta_repeat and it’s hilarious, definitely look it up). The trail meandered farther into the mountains. Only the runners kept going past the bunkers, so I figured the trail must get less crowded. I followed it for a few miles around a ridge bordering the Air Force Base, basically alone the whole time, and it’s weird, this hiking & traveling alone…all decisions are mine, and thoughts are mine, and I’m trying to avoid listening to music or podcasts. Sorta existential. I’ll get back to ya in a few weeks and let you know if I’m going stir crazy. For now, I appreciate the solitude.

Here are some of the restaurants I frequented in Hawai’i: the Waikiki McDonalds. The Kailua McDonalds. The Kaka’ako Starbucks. Haha jk Alyssa also took me to some amazing local restaurants. I justified my McDonalds/Starbucks runs by reminding myself I’m about to move to China for four months, I need some American food in my life (let’s ignore the Starbucks a mile from my dorm in Chengdu or the McDonalds downtown).

Grateful for the chance to experience a state so vastly different from my own with the companionship of a great friend. Onto New Zealand (& a rental car on the left side of the road from a somewhat sketchy company called Happy Tours NZ).

xoxo

Cecilia

backpacking the maroon bells

I had a week between my last day of work and leaving for China. For the first weekend, Jordan & I visited Garren in Pennsylvania. My dad and Raina took off from work (and cross-country) to backpack with me during the second half of the week.

Initially, we planned on knocking out a few Colorado Trail segments (part of our loose goal to section hike the whole thing), but somehow I ended up in charge of the trail choice, and I stumbled on REI’s Hiking Project app, and then suddenly we were up in Aspen at the Maroon Bells (the most instagramable location in Colorado, maybe).

Rains and I have wanted to go to Maroon Bells for a while, but it’s just far enough from Denver that we’ve never made it. We knew it would probably be touristy, but starting on Thursday and doing the 27 mile loop gave us a little distance from the largest crowds.

We recently transitioned from camping out of a tent trailer to backpacking, and it’s been revolutionary. My dad is wild; he’s training to run the R2R2R which is like 40-something miles across the Grand Canyon and back in a day. Rains runs cross country, so she’s in good shape. I’m the weak link here lol.

On this trip, Raina and I prepped my dad to stay out for two nights. We knew we’d probably knock out miles faster than that, but last time the three of us went backpacking, we walked three miles after work, camped, and cranked out the other 20 miles the next day. You know what’s miserable? Hauling all that camping stuff for just one night…seems like it would be easier to do it all as a day hike at that point.

My dad gets in the mindset of going (especially since he’s doing thirty mile training runs every few weeks), so we had to make sure we were on the same page about actually staying out two nights. On the last day, we camped three miles from the beginning of the loop, and we were done hiking at 2pm, but my dad was awesome and settled for camp even though it would have been so easy to finish that day. We watched hikers coming off the summit of the southern Maroon Bell (lol idk what it’s actually called). It’s one of those 14ers that people die on (like we know of two people from home who died during summit attempts), so not one we’re planning on doing ever. The part we could watch from our campsite cut across the entire mountain side, and my dad entertained himself by watching hikers make the entire trek. Kinda wild to imagine the crazy ascent those hikers had just finished. 

Backpacking is so easy. You walk, you eat, you filter water, you sleep. If there’s extra time, read maybe. The simplicity of choice is refreshing.

My dad always says that there’s no reason to travel when we have so much left to see right in Colorado. I don’t think he 100% means it, but there’s definitely a lot of merit to that concept. I’m on a flight to New Zealand right now, and the pictures I’ve seen of the mountains there are stunning, but this last week I experienced Colorado mountains that probably end up looking pretty dang similar to New Zealand and I’d never seen these before. Even though they’re only 3.5 hrs from my home.

The type of travel I’m doing over the next few weeks is super hit or miss…never more than two days in a country, lots of hours on flights. It’s a taster trip, I guess. An experiment in the Southern Hemisphere and a trial run of solo travel.

I’ve lived in Colorado for give or take (do you minus out college years in the official rules of how long you’ve lived somewhere?) 21 years. Alabama for three. Pennsylvania for one. I love learning these places in a practical sense (light rail in Denver, Dunkin Donuts in PA, football in AL). I’m looking forward to learning Chengdu. But dang, this weekend of backpacking made me realize how impossible seeing a place really is. That in 21 years there’s still infinite more trails to follow and mountains to hike and even little restaurants to try. Four months in Chengdu: nothing at all, comparatively.

I’m so grateful Rains and my dad took time off work etc. to go backpacking. And that my mom and Ellie slipped notes into my backpack before I left. And that Jack woke up early to eat breakfast with me. That my extended family all came up to Denver the day before I left to celebrate and hang out. How lucky to get to return to a home like that.

xoxo,

Cecilia

pennsylvania & nyc

I ended up going out to Philadelphia the day I finished work for the summer. This is the first time I’ve flown to visit friends post-college, and gosh it was reassuring. There’s something sweet about actually acting on friendship. Idk, I feel like in college, we all sort of end up in the same place by default; choosing to continue that afterwards moves friendship into something else entirely.

Yo I walked to the light rail from my house and took it all the way to Denver International Airport, and that was so frickin awesome. I’ve taken public transit to airport so many times in different cities, but never in my own city, even though it’s ridiculously convenient from my house.

Can we talk about how expensive it is now? I bought a youth ticket (I’m two years overage) because I swear they’ve raised prices by like 200% since I commuted to school back in high school, and I’m not about that life.

Two of the coolest ppl ever picked me up from the airport. We didn’t really have anything planned for the three days, and it didn’t matter: super carefree.

We wandered around the South St. District in Philadelphia, chilled at a coffee shop for a while (first time we’ve done that w/out homework), cruised by the Liberty Bell, hammocked near the river.

I lived near Valley Forge for about a year when I was nine, and it’s the strangest thing to come back. So much is familiar, but at the same time, I didn’t grow up in Philly, just spent a year. The street vendors and Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell are so recognizable from our frequent pilgrimages whenever family or friends visited, but we never made it to some of the shopping districts or spent much time on the river.

As a nod to our ten day hike on the Appalachian Trail last year, we hit up the closest trailhead to Garren’s apartment and climbed a mile straight up a mountain (remembering why the AT was so miserable). Ended up seeing the sunset (kinda by accident). Afterward, we wound into the valley on the other side of the mountain to a little town with Eastern European architecture churches and a tiny restaurant with Philly Cheesesteaks.

The random, fortuitous sunset hike and dinner are how I hypothetically want to travel: no real research or plans, just vague ideas and progressive evenings. I never do, though, always fall into the trap of planning and researching before going abroad. Maybe it’s a function of experience: plenty of time in America removes the desire to research, so perhaps more time abroad will loosen my desire to micromanage every moment. Or maybe the trick is taking Jordan & Garren everywhere I travel. Will keep you updated lol.

We spent Sunday in NYC. We’d all been before, so it was pretty chill: parked in the Bronx, spent some time in Chinatown, Little Italy, and SoHo, ate at Wendy’s (4-for-4, unbeatable deal), and walked the Brooklyn Bridge.

We ended off the night with a Yankees v. Red Sox game with a few of Garren’s coworkers. Definitely the most hype game I’ve seen. Everyone kept cheering for each strike out etc. I’ve been a Yankees cynic just cuz I assume all their fans are ppl who choose them because they’ve historically won a lot, but after seeing a game I realized the weight of the history behind them and the baseball legends…so a little less judgement in my heart rn lol.

Jordan and I took a bus to Philly on Monday (since Garren is a real-life working adult rn), and our day consisted of napping by Independence Hall with the pillow she stole from a Lufthansa flight and the blanket she stole from a Delta flight, sitting on a ledge on a street and people watching for an hour and a half, and wandering around the Reading Terminal Market. It was such a chill way to spend the day and honestly one of my fav days in Philly ever.

We also went to Wawas three times, cuz you know, might as well.

Definitely the best weekend in a while, mostly bc I just love Garren & Jordan so much. I’ve lucked out with friends from college, and I’m so grateful that we still get the chance to hang out together. Lol it’ll be interesting to watch everything evolve over the next few years, with Jordan (nursing school) and Garren (real job, new cities) and so many other friends from school (all of whom I love dearly & can’t wait to visit!). This is such an exciting, transient phase of life. I love the newness & unpredictability of each year.

xoxo

Cecilia